3?aK Episode 45: Lisa Lampanelli

Back in 2007, when I was the music writer for College Times, Kip Winger blew me off for an interview because he was on “vocal lockdown.” I didn’t want to see the questions I’d prepared go to waste, so for the next year, I asked everyone I interviewed if they’d be willing to get into character and answer the following “Three Questions as Kip.”

If you're new to 3?aK and want a more detailed history of how this project came to be, click here.

OK, now that you're up to speed, let's get on with the show. Playing the role of Kip Winger for this installment of 3?aK will be comedy's "Queen of Mean," Lisa Lampanelli.

3?aK Episode 45: Lisa Lampanelli

After explaining the premise to Lisa, she prefaced the interview thusly:
"I’m going to adopt a British accent because as most pretentious artists, at this point, he’s 20 years a loser like Madonna, so he would’ve adopted a British accent."

1. We've already seen disco and '80s synth pop make comebacks. Do you think a hair metal renaissance is right around the corner?

Oh, like, I don’t think it’s a question, you know, mate? I mean, like, it’s just a matter of time, because, you know, we’ve got Bret Michaels doin’ “Rock of Love.” I personally am going to pitch a show to VH1 called “Kip Winger: Wings of Love.” I think it’s different enough. I’ll be picking from 18 skanky whores instead of 20. It’s my idea. I patented it already.

2. Can you let our readers in on your secret to maintaining the perfect 5 o'clock shadow?

Well, I tell you what, I suck enough of my bandmates’ dicks in order for me to keep this 5 o’clock shadow going. When it starts to scrape too much and the ball sack gets sore, that’s when I know it’s time to lighten up and shave.

3. What have you been up to for the last 15 years?

Absolutely fuckin’ nothing. You didn’t hear about me? Suddenly my accent’s turned into Ted Kennedy. Er-ah, er-ah, er-ah. So nothing. What do you think? You never heard of me, did ya? You heard of me once – “Seventeen” – that’s it.


Go to Episode 46.